Islamic guidelines for proper upbringing of children

O Believers! Safeguard yourselves and your families against a Fire whose fuel is men and stones (Surah Tahreem-6).

 

This verse of the Holy Quran shows that we should not think only of ourselves, but also our relatives.  The very beginning of human existence is with infancy, then childhood.  For this reason, Islam has given much importance to rearing and upbringing of children and has given guidelines for it as well.

 

The most basic of all these guidelines is that every child is born on one nature, as the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has said:

 

Translation of Hadith: Every child is born on Fitrah, then the parents turn the child into a Jew or a Christian.  (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith No. 1292).

 

When the child comes into this world, he/she comes with all potentials and with a pure heart and mind.  Then the atmosphere starts to influence the child.  Thus, Hadith not only treat proper upbringing of children as important, but declare it as a right of the children.  If the parents don’t take fulfill this right, then they will be held accountable for it.  There is a Hadith in Sahih Bukhari:

 

Translation of Hadith: Hadhrat Abdullah Bin Umar (May Allah be well pleased with it) says: I heard the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) say: Each one of you is responsible and will be asked about his (or her) subordinates.  (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith No. 853).

 

This Hadith shows that in Qiyamah, each person will be asked about whom he (or she) is responsible for.

 

There is a Hadith in Jame’ Tirmidhi:

 

Translation of Hadith: The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: A man’s bringing up his children properly is better than giving one Sa’a (a unit of measure) in charity.  (Jame’ Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 2078).

 

Every parent wants to give the best possible gift to his/her children.  However, every such gift is anyhow wasted.  The best possible gift that a parent can give to the children is proper upbringing.  This is the gift, which will serve the child for the whole life.

 

The first thing to be taught to children should be tenets of belief and faith (Iman).  The belief of Islam is belief in Tauheed (unity of Allah Ta’ala) and belief in Prophethood.  Instruction in basic belief is very important.  The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: The first words to be taught to your children should be “La Ilaha Illallah….” (Shu’abul Iman, Hadith No. 8379).

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) also said: You instruct your children in 3 things: Love of your Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), the love of the Ahle Bait and recitation of the Holy Quran.  (Jame’ Ul Ahadith, Hadith No. 961).

 

Another important thing to be taught to children is performance of good deeds.  Among these the most important is recitation of the Holy Quran.  Education should be started with the Holy Quran.  This improves the memory, increases the aptitude for education and with its blessings, the whole life is blessed.  When the children reach 7 years of age, they should be ordered to perform Salaat and when they reach 10 years of age, this should be stressed.

 

The third aspect of upbringing is instruction in manners and etiquette.  The Hadith order us to separate the beds of children.  This shows that children should be protected from all kinds of sins.  The importance of good manners/etiquette is obvious to all, as any shortcoming in this destroys the society and divides the family.

 

Another very important aspect in upbringing of children is the company of the pious elders.  The Holy Quran says: O Believers! Fear Allah persistently and remain in the (company) of those who uphold the Truth (Surah Taubah-119).  This is the means of gaining the blessings of this world and the hereafter.  This is the best possible way of proper upbringing not only for children, but also for elders as well.

 

It is the responsibility of the parents to raise their children properly.  Anger, beatings, etc. should be the last resort and should not be used all the time, as this creates rebellion in the children.