Common family problems and their solutions

Various verses of the Holy Quran direct us to treat our relatives nicely.  Those who cut off relationships are declared as those who spread corruption in this world and that they will suffer losses on the day of Qiyamah.  Allah Ta'ala says:

 

Those who break Allah's Covenant after it is ratified and who sunder what Allah has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth: these cause loss (only) to themselves.  Surah Baqarah (2:27)

 

We are ordered to treat our parents also in the best possible manner.

 

………treat with kindness your parents and kindred,………..Surah Baqarah (2:83)

 

Spoiling our relations with somebody without a reason which the Shariah sanctions, is in itself a great sin.  Thus, Muslims should not take this route.  The Shariah does not permit committing excess with somebody because of strained relationships or disagreements.  In matters of justice, Islam makes no difference between a friend or foe or Muslim or non-Muslim.  Islam declared justice even with enemies as compulsory. 

 

O Believers! Holding fast to the cause of Allah, bear witness based on justice. And let not (even) the extreme hostility against a people provoke you into abstaining from justice (in their case). Always do justice, (for) it is akin to piousness. And fear Allah. Indeed Allah is Well Aware of your works.  (Surah Maidah; 5:8)

 

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:

 

Translation of Hadith:  The person who treats others kindly is not the one who treats others as they treat him (or her), but it is the one who joins relations when it is broken.  (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith No: 5991)

 

If someone advises someone else for the sake of good, then the person being advised should not get angry at it.  Allah Ta'ala will take the person to account who takes offence at scolding or advising for betterment. 

 

Speaking ill about someone behind their back, when what they are saying is true, is called "Gheebah" (backbiting) and the person who does it is a sinner.  However complaining to say, the head of the family, to stop something wrong is not backbiting, provided the intention is to right the wrong and not to humiliate or hurt somebody. 

 

The people in the family should understand each other's nature.  They should keep the situation and the nature of the person in the mind and advise each person about what is good for them, as given in this Hadith of Sahih Bukhari:

 

Translation of Hadith:  Deen (religion) is kindliness, for Allah Ta'ala, for the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), for the Imams of the Muslims and for common Muslims.  (Sahih Bukhari, Kitab Ul Iman, Pg No. 13)

 

Each person should fulfill their obligations and fulfill the rights of others, then Allah-willing, there will be no question of quarrels, etc. 

 

 

Parents or wife?

 

The parents have rights over the son and wife also has rights over her husband.  It is necessary to accord to the wife her rights.  The Shariah does not allow rights of one party to be trampled in fulfilling the rights of the other.  Thus, the wife should be instructed to behave well with ones parents and not to allow any hard feeling to be created. 

 

Parents also should be requested that excesses should not be committed against anyone and that they should treat the daughter-in-law with affection and mildness.

 

If attitudes are changed on both sides and each one treats other with affection, then Allah-willing, the relations between your wife and your parents will be well. 

 

 

What if relatives mistreat us?

 

Hurting relatives is not correct and ceasing to talk to them is also not correct.  The relatives should be convinced to maintain the familial relationships and treat each other nicely.  There is a Hadith in Jame' Tirmidhi about treating one's relatives nicely:

 

Translation of Hadith:  Hadhrat Abdullah bin Umar (May Allah be well pleased with them) narrates from the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) that the one who treats relatives nicely is not the one who treats others as they treat him (or her), but it is the one who brings together relationships, when they get broken.  (Jame' Tirmidhi, Vol. 2, Hadith No: 1831)