Some current issues related to marriage

 [Marriage has become a sensitive issue in the Muslim community.  To guide people, especially the youth, as to the correct Islamic point of view on marriage and related issues, this article is being compiled from the Fatawa of Mufti Hafidh Syed Ziauddin Naqshbandi Qadri, Professor, Islamic Law, Jamia Nizamia, Founder/Director Abul Hasanaat Islamic Research Center]

 

Talking with fiancé/fiancée

 

If a match has been made, then the Shariah treats this as a promise of marriage.  Only this is not considered as Nikah, as long as offer and acceptance of marriage is not made in the presence of 2 witnesses as required by the Shariah.  The boy does not become the husband of the girl only through the engagement.  With the Shariah, they are still non-Mahram for each other as long as they are married.

 

Thus, freely talking to or meeting the fiancé/fiancée before the marriage is not allowed.  Without any reason held valid by the Shariah, their talking with each other is also not correct.  As given Durre Mukhtaar, Vol. 5, Pg. No. 260.

 

Demanding dowry in marriage

 

It is not at all allowed for a believer to beg from somebody without a stringent, pressing need.  There are warnings in the Hadith about this:

 

Translation of Hadith:  There is a very lengthy Hadith narrated on the authority of Hadhrat Habshi Bin Janadah As Saluli in which the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: Begging is not permissible for some who is wealthy and someone with a sound body, excepting for someone who is very poor and someone in a very great need.  If a person begs to increase wealth, then in Qiyamah, that begging will be on his face in the form of scratches and it will come in the form of an ember, from which that person will eat.  Whoever wants to can decrease or increase this punishment for himself.

 

(Jame' Tirmidhi, Kitab Uz Zakaat, Vol. 1, Pg No. 141, Hadith No: 590)

 

However, without any demand of any kind, exchanging gifts willingly is allowed.  Islam has declared exchange of gifts to be a means of maintaining and increasing love, as the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said in Kanz Ul Ummal, Hadith No: 15057).  Thus, giving a gift on the occasion of marriage is permissible.

 

Is Sanchak allowed

 

On the occasion of marriage or other happy occasions, there is no problem if a function is held within the limits prescribed by the Shariah, but roaming before a Non Mahram without any Purdah (veil), making the sister-in-law hold one's hand and/or applying Mehndi (henna) to the fingers is all impermissible. 

 

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:

 

Translation of Hadith:  In Qiyamah, molten lead will be poured in the eyes of the one who looks at the beauty of a woman with desire.  (Bidayah wan Nihayah, Kitab Ul Karahiyya, Vol. 4, Pg No. 458)

 

Touching a Non-Mahram is strictly impermissible.  There is a Hadith:

 

Translation of Hadith:  In Qiyamah, a burning ember will be placed on the hand of the one who touches a Non-Mahram woman.  (Bidayah wan Nihayah, Kitabul Karahiyya, Vol. 4, Pg No. 459)

 

Therefore, the customs which are against the Shariah in Sanchak need to be dropped.

 

What to do if Mehr is not decided at the time of marriage

 

If the amount of alimony is not decided at all, then one has to give the Mehr Mithl (customary alimony).  This means the alimony, which is usual is the family of the bride's father of those women who are similar to the present bride in age, physical beauty, honesty, manners, child-bearing, etc.  If the alimony of the ladies of the bride's father's family cannot be ascertained or they are not similar to the present bride, then the alimony of any lady who is similar to the present bride in the qualities mentioned above can be considered.

 

Nikah on the phone or through Internet

 

In the light of the Holy Quran and the Hadith, the Fuqaha (Jurists) have said that offer and acceptance of the Nikah should happen only in one assembly.  Thus, if the groom and the bride offer and accept directly through the phone or Internet, the Nikah will not be done at all.  But, the person who is not present should make a person who is present as his/her representative through the phone or Internet and if that person performs the offer and acceptance with the bride or groom as a representative, then the Nikah will be established as the offer and/or acceptance of the representative is considered as the offer/acceptance of the person being represented.

 

Salaat on the night of Nikah

 

Nikah (marriage) is Sunnah and through this a person saves himself from sins and leads a pure life.  This is one of the bounties (ni’mah) of Allah Ta'ala.  On the night of the marriage, as a token of thankfulness (shukr) to Allah Ta'ala, a Salaat of 2 Raka'at is offered.  There is no special method for this Salaat.  The way you offer any Nafl (optional) Salaat, in the same way you can offer this Salaat as well.

 

Marrying against the wishes of the parents

 

Obeying parents is compulsory.  Parents only want the best for their children.  Thus, we should marry with the will and blessings of our parents as this will be more blessed (Barakah) for us.

 

Often it is seen that those marriages which are done without the will of parents are not long-lasting.  Due to their love and affection, parents decide that the best for their children.  Marriage is not a mere formality, but a very important decision of life.  Thus, marrying with the advice and approval of the parents is the best.

 

Love marriage

 

Nikah (marriage) is a Sunnah and a natural need as well.  Islam teaches us to have high morals and pure characters.  To maintain relation with anyone before marriage is against Islam and against morality.  After marriage, husband and wife should live together with love and affection.

 

Marriage but no children

 

Apart from safeguarding one’s modesty, another purpose of marriage is propagation of human race.  Thus, Allah Ta’ala says:

 

And (forbidden to you are also) women having husbands except those (prisoners of war) who come into your legal possession. Allah has prescribed for you (these Commands of forbiddance). And (all women) other than these are made lawful for you, so that you may wish them for marriage by means of your money (dower), maintaining chastity and not in pursuit of satisfying lust. Then those of them from whom you have received benefit in exchange for that (money), pay them their fixed dowers. And there is no sin on you pertaining to the money on which you mutually agree after fixing the dower. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, Most Wise.  Surah Nisa (4:24)

 

Thus, imposing this condition is against the purpose of Nikah and any condition, which goes against the very purpose of Nikah is null and void.  However, the Nikah will be valid.  Thus, in the given situation, the Nikah is valid and this condition is void.  Using contraceptive/barrier methods should be avoided.

 

As far as foregoing expenses, Mehr (alimony), etc. is concerned, these are the rights of the wife, which are compulsory on the husband with the Nikah.  As per the Shariah, the women have the right to forego it out of their own free will.

 

As given in Radd Ul Muhtaar, Vol. 2, Pg. No. 586.

 

Is Valima only after consummation of marriage

 

For the Valima to be valid, it is not compulsory that the marriage should be consummated.  It is enough if the bride and the groom are left alone in a room, etc.  where they have absolute privacy (Khilwath-e-Saheeha).

 

Asking the bride’s family to bear/share the expenses of the Valima

 

In the light of the Shariah, putting the burden of some function or celebration on some one else is improper.  Conducting a modest function as per one’s means and convenience with a cheerful heart is far better than a grand celebration without the same.

 

The Valima is a Sunnah of our Holy Prophet (Sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) and the groom can invite his near and dear ones in it as per his convenience.  From the early period of Islam it self, the arrangement of Valima was done by the groom itself and no help was sought from the bride's family, but if the bride's family wishes to share the expenses of Valima without any demand or coercion from the groom’s side, then there is no objection to it according to Shariah.  Nevertheless, forcing the bride's family to share the expenses of Valima is prohibited as per the Shariah.