Treating women kindly - Ordered by the Holy Quran and Hadith

 

Treating women kindly – Ordered by the Holy Quran and Hadith

 

Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran:

 

..and treat them (the women) kindly (in food, clothing, speech and other aspects of matrimony) and if (because of ill-manners or because they are not beautiful enough) you dislike them (then be patient and don’t desire separation from her).  It might be that you dislike a thing and Allah Most High has placed good (and blessings) in it (i.e. she might have a good number of children, she might not be beautiful but is specially skilled in the management of the household or is skilled in some other way and can increase the income of the husband through it)  Surah Nisa (4:19)

 

Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran:

 

Wives have [rights] similar to their [obligations], according to what is recognized to be fair, and husbands have a degree [of right] over them: [both should remember that] God is almighty and wise.  Surah Baqarah (2:228)

 

Mutual rights of men and women

 

It should be remembered that the aforementioned verse of the Holy Quran suggests the rights of both husbands and wives.  The rights of a husband include:  the right to be served, to be respected, to not be objected to (unnecessarily), to obey the husband and to carry out the commands of the husband, to establish sexual relations with the husband whenever he demands, except for sodomy and when the women is menstruating or having postpartum bleeding.

 

Similarly, the rights of the wife include:  the right to be clothed and fed and (other expenses), the right of dower, the right to be taught the Shariah.

 

The rights of the husband and wife are similar to each other.  However, men have been given one degree of superiority because they (ought to) spend on their wives.  The rules of divorce, revoking of divorce, inheritance are all about men only.  (Excerpted from Tafseeraate Ahmadiya)

 

Allah Most High says in the Holy Quran: 

 

Surah Nisa:

 

The exhortation of the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) about treating women kindly

 

It is narrated on the authority of Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be well pleased with him), he says that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:  (I exhort you about women) You accept My exhortation about treating women kindly.  They have been created from a bent rib and the most bent of all ribs is the topmost one.  If you try to straighten it all at once, it will break and if you leave it like that, it will remain bent (i.e. take the middle path of moderation).  (I once again exhort you that come what may) you accept My exhortation of treating women kindly.

This is related by both Bukhari and Muslim.

 

Women are irritable.  Their irritability can be offset by considerate treatment

 

It is narrated on the authority of Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be well pleased with him), he says that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:  Women have been created from the rib (which is bent).  She will never be entirely straight for you (some “bentness” will always remain).  If you want to derive benefit from her, you should do so in this condition itself.  If you desire to straighten them all of a sudden, you will end up breaking them and to break them is to divorce them.

This is related by Muslim.

 

It should be remembered that Hadhrat Hawwa (May peace be upon her) was created from the rib of Hadhrat Adam (May peace be upon him).  Thus, the origin of women is the bent rib.  That a rib should straighten out is not possible at all.  Thus it is impossible that a woman will completely change her habits and nature.  That’s why the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said that women should be treated with understanding.  One should not be so heedless that everything goes haywire nor should one take them to task for everything and make life bitter (for both).  Thus, it is necessary to be patient on the bad temper and petulance of women.  One should treat them lovingly.

 

As it is, one should treat everyone considerately so that everyone is happy with us and they praise us when we die and supplicate Allah Most High on our behalf.  However, those who deserve our kind treatment the most are one’s wife and children, then other relations and then friends and acquaintances.

 

Some scholars have written in the explanation of this Hadith that (mostly) women are naïve and obstinate.  Some husbands want to remove that obstinacy and they in turn become even more obstinate.  The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has explained this metaphorically that they have been created from a bent rib i.e. they are moody.  If you try to change their temperament, you can’t do that and eventually it will lead to divorce.  To divorce them is to break the bent rib.  That’s why one should treat women considerately in every situation.  If you treat them considerately, you will derive benefit from them.

 

The husband should not harbor grudges and enmity against the wife

 

It is narrated on the authority of Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be well pleased with him), he says that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:  No Muslim man should harbor grudges and enmity against his wife.  (because) if you are not happy with one habit of hers, you will surely be happy with some other habit.

          This is related by Muslim.

 

This shows that a man should be happy with the good habits of his wife.  If a wife has something wrong in her, she will surely have something good also in her.  Thus, the man should console his heart with the good and should keep deriving benefit from the wife.  The biggest among them is that a wife will save a man from adultery and fornication.

 

It is narrated on the authority of Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be well pleased with him), he says that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:  If Bani Israil were not there, no meat would have decayed.  If Hawwa (May peace be upon her) was not there, no wife would have betrayed the trust of her husband.

          This is related by both Bukhari and Muslim.

 

This Hadith suggests two incidents.  The first is that in the era of Prophet Moosa (May peace be upon him), food (Mann and Salwa) would be granted to Bani Israil by Allah Most High.  Mann was a sweetish edible and Salwa was a smallish bird like partridge.  The clan of Israil would eat them without any effort on their part.  They could eat as much as they wanted but were prohibited from hoarding.  They were very avaricious and started hoarding the left-over food and it started decaying.  That’s why the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said that if they had not done so, no meat would have decayed.

 

The second is that Hadhrat Hawwa betrayed the trust of Hadhrat Adam (May peace be upon them) by inducing him to eat the forbidden fruit.  If she had not done so and had not disobeyed the command of Allah Most High, then no woman would ever have betrayed the trust of her husband or disobeyed him.  (Haashiya Mishkaat).

 

Among the 4 best things is the wife who doesn’t betray the trust of the husband

 

It is narrated on the authority of Hadhrat ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas (May Allah be well pleased with them), he says that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:  There are 4 characteristics that whoever has been given them has been given the good of this world and the next:

 

1.  A heart which is grateful on the bounties (of Allah Most High).

 

2.  A tongue which remembers Allah Most High in joy and in sorrow.

 

3.  A body which can bear (worldly) hardships patiently.

 

4.  A wife who does not betray the trust of her husband, neither with regard to her own self, nor with regard to the wealth of her husband.

          This is related by Baihaqui in Shu’abul Iman.

 

This Hadith tells us that a wife who doesn’t betray the trust of her husband is a great bounty of Allah Most High.  It is mentioned in another Hadith of Ibn Majah that a wife should be such that they should help the husband in matters of the hereafter.

          The help of wife in matters of the hereafter is that the husband is saved from sins and lewd gazing because of the wife.  The wife handles the affairs of the house and that gives time for the husband to engage in worship of Allah Most High.  In the absence of the wife, the husband will get less time to worship Allah Most High.  Some women are very pious and worshipful of Allah Most High.  Because of them, their husbands also become pious.  Some are such that they wake up their husbands for Tahajjud.  (Haashiya Mishkaat)

 

To be continued….

[Excerpted from Noor Ul Masabeeh Vol. 8]